The Post with a snippet of Tim McGraw's new song
I've been listening to this song a lot the past few days and something snapped inside of me listening to it Sunday on my way home.


Everybody wants acceptance
We all just want some proof
Everyone's just looking for the truth

Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus


G'Night
- posted by Brian @ 4/25/2005 07:20:00 PM

 
The Post with Calling It Like It Is
Before we start I'd like to say I had a great weekend visiting my friends Craig and Karen along with their roommate Greg. Amityville Horror, water gun fights, my first exposure to Tivo---all in all a great weekend.

Now to our feature presentation:

I complain a lot in this journal. I admit it, and really that's not going to change. I don't like to talk about my problems with other people because they have their own stuff to worry about. So I vent in here which is in essence a diary to myself. Now that said.

As bad as I consider my life right now, I know one thing--I am not loser. No matter how bad things get I live with that single thread of knowledge I'm not a loser. The reason I know this you ask?


In my profile link to this blog I have a link tracker. It tells me what names click that link to get here. I just like to know who is catching up on my life and maybe personalize things from time to time for certain folks.

So the other day I was checking out the names and one name reads, "fuckyoufatboy". Ok I thought maybe someone having some fun, but alas no. I read the details and it tells me that the person is located in Illinois at the University out there. Well there is only one person that is there that I kow of that somehow has my screen name (becasue I don't remember ever giving it to him). So why is he a loser, along with his partner in crime.

This child, (and I say child because he's shown no capacity to act like a fucking adult), is friends with another child who has a bit of a history with me. The friend and me both liked the same girl and the friend got to date her while I didn't. I resigned myself to that conclusion and tried to pull myself away from the situation. However, in every attempt for one reason or another I wasn't able to. It wasn't feelings for her but rather the fact that she meant something to me as a friend and why should I give that up. Apparently this was my master plan according to them to break the two up and have her all to myself. (A plan by the way which didn't end with me and her dating--so you figure out why I'd have a master plan without some evidence I'd reach a satisfying conclusion.)

Later they broke up and it somehow became my fault. It had nothing to do with the fact that this guy was a gimp but rather me as some demented reverse cupid manipulating them apart like some puppet master. Did I mention this incident they are upset at me over happened when I was in 12th grade and was 17 years old? Seeing as it happened on the England trip in high school that would mean this incident happened 6 years ago.

So they've chosen to make up obscene names and click on my links since they know I'd see them, in some attempt to bother me. Sadly guys it doesn't. All it does is prove to me what I knew way back then, is that you two are childish pieces of trash that don't deserve to engage in conversation with intelligent people.

So thank you, you guys. As low as I feel right now I know that I will never hit bottom because you guys are stacked on top of each other down there and only the jaws of life could pry you two from it.

And that's the last I'll speak of such childish people
- posted by Brian @ 4/24/2005 05:21:00 PM

 
The Post with the Refreshing Life.
Many ask why I like traveling to Quakertown on Friday nights to watch a movie by myself. The reason is simple. And hopefully this will help explain. See I have basically a fucking insulting job. Really anyone could do what I do and be kicked around constantly like I get. It’s worse for me than most people since I am repaying thousands of dollars in college loans while I suffer through there everyday. It’s gotten so bad that I resort to alternative means to ease the mind numbingness of it all (self-medication so to speak). Do I hate myself for it? Yes. Do I feel like doing anything about that fact? No.

So anyway back to the point. I leave my house and pop in a cd and sing along the whole way back to Quakertown. I feel no need to engage in conversation with people. I enjoy serenity that is only interrupted if I choose to interrupt it. Then I usually stumble about the Wal-Mart for an hour or so looking for nothing in particular but often picking something up. Then I go to the Regal Cinemas there (Much nicer than the one in Oaks) and buy my ticket, grab my Iced Tea from the concessions and settle in to watch my flick. Going home is a new CD and I sing along again the whole time. So basically from 8:00 til 1:00 on a Friday Night I am uncommunicative with people except for saying, “Thanks,” and “You too,” when a cashier offers me the “Have a nice evening send-off.” 5 hours 5—10 words tops in that time. It’s pure bliss. And the whole time I can feel the stress, the bullshit, the soul-sucking of the previous week shedding away. And it’s to a point now where I can tell when I have this time and when I don’t.

Ok now moving from that let’s talk about this past Friday night. Last night was one of those perfect evenings. You can feel something—things feel real good. The night was perfect. And it’s usually in those perfect moments that you discover something about yourself. Something that wasn’t readily apparent to you previously even if it was right in front of your nose. And when that thing happens it signals something to you that causes you to pause and feel that self-confidence person inside of you stand up and cheer.

So what happened? What truth about myself did I learn? Apparently I do know how to flirt with women and I assume you can do it alright when that person flirts back. Now before anyone tries to be a dick and say, “You should’ve gotten her number,” or something equally insidious please remember—that is not the first place my mind goes. Most guys can do that. Jump from one point to the next with the ease of a rock skipping over a lake. I cannot. I never could. Or maybe I can and that truth hasn’t revealed itself to me yet. It’s fine with me though because the first step is the flirting and that was revealed to me that I can still hit the right notes.

It’s big because I used to have confidence. I used to flirt a lot, however a string of women busted my ability all to hell in short order. It shouldn’t have worked like that but it did so the cross I had to bear was years of feeling less than adequate in that regard—hell probably 4 years (which busted my option of meeting a girl in college) but last night it was there and back…See maybe every dark cloud does have a silver lining, because after this week at work I couldn’t have felt any lower than I did. On my ride home from seeing Fever Pitch Friday night though I couldn’t have felt better……Guess it’s too hard to be upset about that…….


P.S. For god’s sake people give me some feedback and talk in the comments section. I’ll answer anything and I’ll discuss anything. I know people come in here and read.
- posted by Brian @ 4/16/2005 08:00:00 PM

 
The Post with my 10 Favorite TV Shows
So with the misery that is my life I turn to tv often to bring me out of my depressing state. But what tv shows do I turn to you ask yourself? What shows do I like you should defnitely watch? Well here's my top 10 list

10. South Park

Sure its crass and childish but often times it is outrageously funny and actually has a message tacked onto it. A recent episode featured Kenny lying on his deathbed with Cartman and Kenny's parents fighting over whether his feeding tube should be removed or not. The ending was spot on to the situation and proved South Park is a great area for satirical looks at our culture.

9. Scrubs

The story of 4 close friends working in a hospital as told through the eyes of J.D., the head resident, is a perfect example of what is righit about tv sitcoms (one of the very few things). Balances between hilarious and poignant and does it masterfully.

8. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

One of many in the L&O series but easily the best. Most of that is due to its cast. From Chris Meloni as the edgy Stabler to Richard Belzer as the often skeptical cop to the absolutely beautiful Mariska Hargitay as Benson the emotionally attatched detective.

7. King of Queens

Here's what you need to know. Kevin James is hilarious. Leah Remini is great. Jerry Stiller is classic like always, and the supporting cast including Nicole Sullivan and Patton Oswald are top notch. there are many Honeymooners copycats out there but this does it better than any of them.

6. Six Feet Under

The Fischer family is unattached to anything especially normal healthy interpersonal relationships. The one brother is gay, the other is on the brink of a breakdown at any minute. Their sister is a drug addled art student, and the mom just married a guy she knew for 1 month who is now scared out of his mind and holed up in a bomb shelter under the family funeral home. Need I say more.

5. The Shield

Tough to watch at times because of the sheer grittiness of it. Vic Mackey is the cop you don't want anywhere near you. He leads the very corrupt Strike Team inside a less corrupt police station in a ghetto neighborhood outside the bright lights of Hollywood. The cast is top notch and this year they added Glenn Close. That needs no more incentive.

4. 24

Sure it can be far-fetched. and sure you'll be wondering how one guy can keep having terrible days but it is addicting and I'm sure your heart rate rises during the one continuous time hour spent inside watching the episode. And when Jack Bauer gets ready to kick some ass that is truly Must See TV.

3. Deadwood

HBO brings a series that reinvents the wheel when it comes to Westerns. Set in the gold mining town in the rolling Black Hills comes this slice of history. The men are ornery, the women are even meaner, and Al Swearengen is maybe the most vicious villian on tv right now. Cuss words fly and the shady deals pile up weekly.

2. Lost

All I can tell you is this. A plane went down with 48 survivors stranded on a tropical island. I have no idea what is going on now that they're on the island. They were attacked by a polar bear--on a tropical island. Locke the wise old man could walk from the start but when we saw his flashback episode he was paralyzed. Boone died but before that he had sex with his stepsister. Nothing I can do would help fill in the blanks so watch for yourself.

1. Arrested Development

The Bluth family take dysfunction to a whole new level. The patriarch is in jail for embezzelment and "light treason" (he sold houses to Saddam Hussein). The mom is mooching off the compnay still. Older brother GOB is a failed magician. Michael Bluth is trying to hold the family together but he's got problems to like unintentionally getting his son's girlfriend's mother all hot for him. And his son has a crush on his cousin. The jokes are bizarre, the situations are bizarre, enough to make it the best comedy and show on tv right now.


Any questions I can answer for you about these shows? Good quotes, best episode, favorite character, favorite moment? Direct any inquiries to the comment section.
- posted by Brian @ 4/09/2005 09:46:00 PM

 
The Post with my Projected Life Span
I'm projected to live until I'm 81 years old...that means i've got 57 years to go. Maybe in that time I'll be able to find a real job....






eh I doubt it
- posted by Brian @ 4/05/2005 06:19:00 PM