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    Sunday, February 29, 2004
     
    Oscar's 11:30-12:00
    Crystal intorduces saying Sofia Coppola was in Godfather Part 3..yeah she was the worst part of the best trilogy of all time

    Best Adapted Screenplay

    The winner is---------Rings...DAMMIT......Mystic River should've won that one....This blowjob to the rings movies is terrible I can't wait til it is gone

    Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon- get the 5 second delays ready..and they behave themselves again.....Best Original Screenplay

    The winner is----------Lost in Translation....Great job for Sofia...she will probably win only that but its a start.

    Best Director now which solidifies Peter Jackson

    The winner is-----------Peter Jackson....Now the academy can stop feeling bad for snubbing him the past two years

    Crystal says they found Nemo and Wolfgang Puck cooked him........

    Adrien Brody is out to announce Best Actress...Gotta be my baby Charlize (and I claimed her years ago after 2 Days in the Valley came out- so there)

    The winner is-----------Charlize Theron......She does a good job of not crying too much and thanks South Africa---Take that Zealand

    Adrien Brody played off last year attacking Halle Berry and put some bianca in his mouth before announcing the winner- Great touch

    Nicole Kidman to introduce Best Actor (the toughest category to pick this year) It's a toss up between Sean Penn, Johnny Depp, and Bill Murray...I went with Penn since he was screed back in 95 for Dead Man Walking

    The winner is---------------Sean Penn........And he gives props to everyone in and out of the category...After slipping in a Bush bash...Short and sweet..and finally he is recognized

    Now the biggie as we cross midnight....Steven Spielberg is out to present Best Picture--- take a guess

    The winner is---------------Rings................this is terrible....Look Mystic River was teh better film as it kicked about 15 different kinds of ass....Lost in Translation kicked about 10 different.....Rings kicked about maybe 2 or 3.........The movie is all about Special effects and is very loosely centered around any kind of plot....I've heard the critics refer to it as a type of Star Wars but they couldn't be more wrong. Star Wars was a story--well thought out and fleshed out, with very strongly written characters that special effects were built around.....Rings is not from scratch. The books were there for years and no one did anything great witih it because no one had the money to pony up until New Line bit the financial bullet.....Its special effects take full precedence over anything else in the film and outshines the actors more often than not, except for notable exceptions......I'm glad that new moies cna move in now and Peter Jackson is going to ruin all his forward momentum by directing King Kong. because any bonehead could've directed this film and got praise...

    Crystal closes out and I'm done finsihsing way behind in mny running..Now have to buy these dvds by myself....DAMN!!!!!!!!!

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    Oscars 11:00-11:30
    Sting and Phil Collins out to introduce something..Not sure what yet...Best Original Score

    The winner is-------(Give you one guess) Rings you betcha.....Big F'n Surprise

    Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan presenting Film Editing I think they said.

    The winner is----------Rings....CHRIST the academy is really making up for the past two yeas of snubs.

    Crystal again makes a New Zealand joke.......Quit now man just move it along.

    Out comes Jamie Lee Curtis who was overlooked for Freaky Friday and yes I'm serious....She is introducing teh song from "A Mighty Wind"...This should be good...Very nice...but the song stands no chance..Now the song from Triplets of Bellevue. INteresting song and very spirited but again no chance

    Will Ferrel and Jack Black are going to perform...nice

    And here they are and making up words to the song that plays off people that go over their speaking limit....Nice ..and very funny Best Original Song

    The winner is-Annie Lennox and others for Rings---duh again.
    They tried to play them off and the other lady hijacks the ceremony...Nice


    Charlize Theron----WOW!!!!!!!....shes presenting something but damned if I know what it is

    The winner is-------Canada's Entry...and the lady jokes thank god Rings wasn't in this category..

    Jude Law and "Ugly" Uma Thurman present Cinematography

    The winner is----------Master and Commander...Two in a row without Rings winning gotta be a record... A few awards to go then we done....The pain is almost over

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    Oscars 10:30-11:00
    Oprah presenting Mystic River, then some people present best documentary film and it goes to Chernobyl Heart.....I wasn't writing any of this so I'm trying to catch up now

    Alec Baldwin and Naomi Watts present Best Documentary Feature..I split this one cause I had no idea who would win it

    The winner is-----------------The Fog of War

    and he offers the first anti-war sentiment and he is intense...wow man take some valium

    Academy nonsense now just to slow things down further..And tehn we get the tribute to lost actors

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    Oscars 10:00-10:30
    Crystal makes jokes I care little......Will Smith and Jada Pinkett present best visual effects I spent 20 points on LOTR

    The Winner is-------------LOTR.....Duh again...Small prediction (LOTR wins all night) I cry silently..Jennifer Garner is out and looking to covered up..She says she hosted the technical achievement awards and , "What a way to spend Valentine's Day!" Meanwhile somewhere in his room Scott Foley weeps loudly.

    Here comes Jim Carrey looking like a drill instructor, and speaking gibberish...People laugh out of pity......Then he pays tribute to Blake Edwards, and he is very funny. I don't care if this offends people but tributes to people living are stupid
    A standing ovation...for the guy and the interlude referencing The Pink Panther one of his creations....BTW a third of the votes are presented and we're an hour and a half in...at this rate I'll be up til next years oscars

    (The new Michelob commercials are hella gay)

    Next presenter is Bill Murray and yes he is here and also very funny.......He is presenting Lost in Translation as a Best Picture nominee.....It really would win- in any other year than this one....Scarlett Johannsen is out ...Wow she's hot...and she has the smoky voice....I love that. Best Make up

    The winner is Rings-------more points for me but more for the leaders and I slip further behind.

    Sandra Bullock and John Travolta are out next and missing their cue. I hate idiotic banter- then Travolta slips in a joke...Nice touch Best Sound...

    The Winner is------------Pirates-Just kidding its Rings again...People just keep walkign on stage...Behind the accepters it looks like a shooting gallery....Play music now damn it...Finally they leave....Now best sound editing....

    The winner is------------Master and Commander----Rings wasn't nominated so there..........Crystal jokes there is no one left in New Zealand to thank...Then introduces Julia Roberts who introduces the tribute to Katherine Hepburn ( a great lady) not that I know or anything I jsut imagine...i don't wan tot sound like one of them queer eye guys but Julia's hair looks beyond awful

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    Oscars 9:30-10:00
    Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are out for Best Live Action Short..I spent my points between most and the bridges


    The winner is--Two Soliders..5 points...helps me some...plus will break a lot of ties..This guy is speed reading through his acceptance speech...Yes the first music-cut off for an acceptance speech..Now Best Animated Short Film

    The winner is ------------ Harvie Krumpet-----------I went with Destino by Disney...............shit...my first miss..The director just made a joke and no one laughed

    Liv Tyler looking classy presenting the first nominee for Best Original Song..And it's Allison Krauss and Sting singing a song from Cold Mountain..This songs really good...I wish I could change my points for the category.And now we get the other song from Cold Mountain with Allison Krauss again with Elvis Costello and the other guy. That was a painless segment. The next song is by Annie Lennox from Rings....Tyler is wearing glasses and then takes them off and then puts them back on when it is her time to be on camera.


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    Oscars cont.
    I've decided to stretch this into half hour breaks.


    Billy Crystal is out talking like hes being subtitled but it is obviously Robin Williams..And there he is behind Crystal's back...


    Williams fakes showing his breast and then makes a San Fran joke....He is also presenting the award for Best Animated Feature....I put most of my points on Finding Nemo


    The Winner is---------Finding Nemo....Lots of people put the 60 points on that one so I'm gonna slip some spots again. The director tells his wife he loves her- how sweet...Just remember to remind her of that- OFTEN


    Renee Zwellegger (or however you spell it is out) and presenting Best Costume Design..I split my points between Samurai and Rings

    The winnner is-----Rings- duh I guess....I'm tied for tenth right now. Quit talking you dope.


    What films did celebrities love..Hillary Clinton loved, "Kill Bill" Howard Dean, "Anger Management" Saddam Hussein loved, "Holes" and that draws Boos....is Holly wood retarded? Is that a rhetorical question? Find out never...Meh obvious jokes

    Here comes Nic Cage to present clips from Master and Commander

    Chris Cooper comes out to present Best Supporting Actress..I split between Renee and and Shohreh Aghdashloo.

    The winner is----------Renee 50 for me but 100 for lots of people...I'm probably screwed but I'm holding out hope..What is Renee saying?..I'm lost.

    Tom Hanks is out and is coming out to Presidential music. Bob Hopeis being honored now..Now I'm tied for 29th--90 points behind....Crap

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    Oscars
    Catherine Zeta Jones is out to present the first award-- looking rather busty..Best Supporting Actor is first....I put all my 100 points on Tim Robbins in Mystic River so I'm either going to be off to a really bad or really poor start...They could really shorten the clips to save time too.....

    And the winner is.........YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 100 POINTS TO START

    5 bucks says he bashes Bush

    I'm out 5 bucks--luckily it's to myself.....He's very nervous and adds a nice message about coming forward if you're a victim of abuse.....Oh man- He has a heart

    We're back and Crystal is delighted to be here---Good for him--really....Another Bush bash, real original

    The next award is for and Ian McKellan is here and presents clips of Lord of the Rings or this year's best picture.....

    Angelina Jolie is out presenting Best Art Direction....I got 20 out of 40 points on LOTR...10 on Last Samuari, and 10 on Girl with a Pearl Earring.....

    Winner is----Lord of the Rings...Another 20 points woo-hoo

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    Oscar Night is upon us
    I entered a contest this year at Hollywood Bitchslap.com where I cna win 25 dvds if I correctly predicted more winners than anyone else. So I figured I might as well be on here for the whole time and give my thoughts on the precedings by the quarter hour and let you- my faithful viewers know how I'm fairing in the contest.......The contest was each category was worth a certain amount of points and you were to assign points based on confidence in that nominee.

    Sean Connery begins and presents a trailer for the return of Billy Crystal as host where he inserts himself in movies -----again----which then leads to Crystal singing----again


    Best Joke: "The show is broadcast in 50 different languages and that's just California."

    Charlize Theron looks amazingly hot.

    First joke against Bush comes at 8:39...I had 5 minutes in the pool so I was a little too quick on that one.

    Sean Penn is there like he promised but he looks uncomfortable to say the least....How can he be uncomfortable he was married to Madonna once?

    Billy Crystal is just not funny singing- and some of these jokes are just random...and not funny Family Guy random....more like stupid new national lampoon movies random....(that's the best refernce I could come up with)...

    BTW the joke count about gay marriages in Mass. and California is up to 3 already.

    You know to shorten the show they could cut out the stupid song at the beginning

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    Saturday, February 28, 2004
     
    Great Moments in Hansley History
    Here at the Brian Hansley Blog we strive for original content at all costs. With the advent and continuing success of reality television (plus the new Chappelle Show feature with Charlie Murphy sharing his stories "I'm Rick James bitch!!") Brian felt why can't he get in on the action of sharing his stories and being glorified or villified depending on the story. Besides many may ask themselves what makes Brian tick? Why is he such a jackass? Why does he always feel superior to each other? We look to answer those and many more questions with a.....

    GREAT MOMENT IN HANSLEY HISTORY

    Before basketball games in high school a group of my friends and I would meet in the lower school parking lot and have a cookout. It was a great time as we'd grill up some burgers and hot dogs then go watch the game and make fun of the other team (especially Oley or Reading). One Friday night we got to the lot and since they had been forecasting rain all day the person with the grill decided they weren't going to come (When he told us during school he wasn't coming we laughed at him). Well when grill time came around sure enough it was pouring down raining. And sure enough the kid with the grill didn't show. Well none of us had eaten anything in anticipation of the grill so we called him and told him to get his ass there. I got on the phone and called him a pussy among other things on the phone. So he comes with his grill and stands in the rain under an umbrella grilling things. It WAS a bad idea because when the rain was hitting the burgers on the grill they were breaking apart leaving burgers in like 3 or 4 pieces. So when he asks who wants one, Nobody responds. Then he says here Hansley you asshole- you made me come out here eat one. I politely declines since there was more rainwater than meat anymore so he threw the burger on the ground-threw the grill in his car (still with embers) and peeled away. So we stil had hungry people so my buddy James and I hopped in his car and took off a few blocks to the local supermarket. We walked to the meat counter and bought like 2 pounds of ham and cheese and a bag of rolls. We drove back to the cookout and there were only a few people left as many had left in search of food. So the remaining few of us took turns leaning into the backseat of my friends car and slapping together a ham and cheese sandwich. Some parents parked near us and looked quizzically at the high school kids having a picnic in the rain in the backseat of a car, but man being wet was never more fun.

    This has been a

    GREAT MOMENT IN HANSLEY HISTORY

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    Thursday, February 26, 2004
     
    Fuck the FCC among other things....and other insanity
    It's getting out of hand folks.

    In the wake of the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake breast exposure at the Super Bowl media restrictions are becoming more pronounced and belts are tightening all over America. Clear Channel (one of the two many radio station owners) banned Howard Stern on their stations which meant 6 cities went without Stern this morning. So let me get this straight: questionable material on radio is worthy of fines and getting jocks suspended. How is that any different than what appears on tv or in movies?

    Case in point: This past week saw almost 12 milion people tune into HBO so they could watch the finale of Sex and the City, where over the years they've talked about everything from dildos to how big their boyfriends dicks were. Did that show get hit with any sanctions? No. In fact they were applauded for their frank discussions of sex. THey won Emmy's, Golden Globes, SAG's, etc. for their portrayal of the characters and no one had a problem with it. Now I know what you're saying HBO is a pay cable network so less kids see that than what goes down on broadcast tv...To that I say Bullshit- HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, and the other cable channels of that ilk have always been a haven for kids looking to see something different. How many guys in their teenage years or even earlier snuck into their living rooms and turned on one of those channels after hours to catch a glimpse of what aired on those channels after midnight? And if you say you didn't you're a liar (unless you didn't have any of those). We had Prism and I used to run tapes to catch what was on after midnight and did I turn out indecent? No. In fact, I turned out ok (Besides my unnatural liking of big fake breasts) And believe it or not those are the shows kids talk about when they go to school the next morning. Someone will say man did you see that Simpsons last night? And then someone will say, "On Cinemax last ngiht they had this show called Erotic Confessions- it was hot."

    Questionable material pops into movies all the time. Look at Quentin Tarantino films, all of them are brutal and violent- but does that matter to people. No. In fact, most of his films are considered to be masterpieces. And guess what- kids watch them. I know a 13 year old kid who saw Kill Bill 5 times. And he seems fine about it all.

    And music- the two most popular artists in the world right now (against my best wishes) are 50 Cent and Eminem and their music is full of violent imagery. And kids listen to them all the time. They are taken to task by some for their music but when the best albums of the year lists come out. there they are in the top 5. So why the double standard for radio.

    Now to allievate fears- this nonsense will pass. It seems like every 4 or 5 years something happens and people get up in arms and sensitive about everything. Back in 1999 we had Columbine. After that they cracked down on making sure people were 17 who got into R-Rated movies and cracked down on people buying tickets for friends and such. My brother and I went to the movies to see Deep Blue Sea, and the man wouldn't sell me two tickets (I was 18 my brother was 15). I asked why not and he proceeded to tell me that in the wake of people seeing the Matrix movie and then killing people they were being asked to make sure kids didn't see R-Rated films and get ideas. I asked, "What ideas am I going to get from Deep Blue Sea? Training sharks to be killing machines" He refused to relent and my brother and I were forced into The Haunting (which they should've been censoring). In a side rant- they were talking about the Columbine memorial tonight on the news (a thing where they have stuff like the killers journals, weapons, etc.), and about the victims parents going there and seeing everything multiple times. A father of a girl at Columbine at the time stood up and said, "We need to come here to help our kids realize evil exists and to avoid it." Now most accounts say the killers attacked because they were tired of being the butt of people's jokes. SO you teach your kids to be fucking nice to people. Treat people with respect because you don't know what bastard is lurking with a rifle in his coat trying to gun people down. Being fucking cool and making people feel like they exsist and that someone sees the person underneath the cover could save your life and the lives of others. It isn't hard to be nice- try it once you'll like it and it makes you feel good (End of side rant)

    People need to understand kids will not be corrupted becasue they saw a wide shot of Janet Jackson's slightly sagging breast. They won't be corrupted by that because they've already probably seen worse. Many of thier dads probably have PLayboys laying around that have been found and passed around after school at least once. Kids are growing up faster now more than ever and here's the secret way for parents to help prevent it from corrupting their precious sons and daughters- BE PARENTS! TEACH THEM WHAT IS WRONG AND RIGHT!......A little bit goes along way. Teach them not to do what they do on tv and in movies (I never once tried to run a saw across my brothers head). It might require some light love taps, or a good heart to heart talk- whatever it is find what works and do it often. That way we can ge the FCC to stop trying to run our lives and decide what is decent and indecnet. (And don't even get me started on them relaxing language standards while tightening other ones the hypocrisy is sickening)

    Now whether parents or other people want to believe what I'm saying is true or not doesn't matter. Not believing in things doesn't make them go away.

    Eh I'm done. That's probably not as tight an argument as it would be had I written this in the afternoon but you finsihed reading it so it must be coherent.

    Now today trying to relieve some bad feelings I drove around town singing Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs with the window down. As I screamed the bridge leading into the chorus of "Living on a Prayer" a guy shot me a thumbs up obviously impressed with my singing. That made me feel better.

    Tomorrow is another Great Moment in Hansley History so stay tuned and I promise not to be in such a pissy mood tomorrow

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    Wednesday, February 25, 2004
     
    This contest is rigged
    I haven't really had anything to post about lately so that's why the dearth of posts. I'm coming up with some lists and rant nonsense to post in the coming days so watch for them. Plus every weekend will bring about Great Moments in Hansley History....They'll probably be posted on Friday nights, but if they're not there friday night just keep an eye open all weekend.

    This South Park episode rules....Footage of Nancy Kerrigan crying and a Silence of the Lambs parody

    Ok now anyone who knows me- knows I consider myself the coolest person in the world....but since admitting your cool isn't cool..the person I consider the second coolest person in the world is the coolest by default (Yes I hope that was confusing)..

    So one night back in December me and the coolest person in the world (second, but again coolest by default) discussed how unfair the movie Willy Wonka was and how Charlie shouldn't have one. Apparently someone was giving Karen grief about this so she further explained her position in her away message this evening...I quote:

    "Face it, Kelly. Mike Teevee should have won. His distraction was pointless. He was obviously the strongest candidate. He could have aimed a tranquilizer well if an Oompa Loompa went awry. Charlie was given a second fucking chance. The other kids were already like, dismembered, and they didn't get that chance to redeem themselves with the everlasting gobstopper. The contest should have ended for Charlie right after he stole Fizzy Lifting Drink, like the poor klepto he was. Then, technically, Mike Teevee was the last one left. Thus, he should have won the factory. FIGURE IT OUT."

    Allow me to state again Karen is exactly right in this assesment. It's not fair that Charlie was given two chances to win the prize. Mike Teevee was screwed, and I think its because someone didn't like his last name. (I mean really his name is teevee...it looks so fake they probably felt he had forged his entry and therefore they were looking for a reason to oust him from the game. It wasn't fair then and it isn't now. I only hope that since they are remaking the film eventually they change the story accordingly (or suffer the consequences)..


    The X-Files are on again tonight..Me and Vanilla Coke are double dating to watch it

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    Sunday, February 22, 2004
     
    See I'm not the only one that has a problem with the American Idol machine
    The following post was taken from the very funny Rebel Alliance Network website:

    CLAY AIKEN

    Now, I know what you're thinking: "What kind of trite bullshit is Reverend going to talk about next? Where's the update about airline food? Maybe some sort of Flash animation explaining, in hilarious detail, how the Professor could make a radio out of coconuts but could not get them off of the island?", but bear with me because I don't think anyone's addressed this yet...

    But how creepy is this "dude"? He looks like some sort of androgynous puppet. Or one of those orange things from Labyrinth that could detach and reattach their body parts. Man, how scary were those fucking things? Combine them with the "yep yep yep" aliens from Sesame Street and you've got enough material to keep me pissing my bed for the rest of my life.

    Of course, no discussion about how big a creepazoid this Teen Beat lounge singer is would be complete without a look at his "hit single", "Invisible"; a clinically boring little number about the simple joys of watching people in their rooms without their knowledge... an act I'm pretty certain would make you a sex offender in most states, although I'll admit I'm not entirely sure how those laws would apply to the asexual.

    I'm going to go ahead and highlight the more troublesome lines.

    "Invisible"
    "by" Clay Aiken

    (Lyrics taken from gimmesomelyricseporium2000-365.com or some horseshit)

    Whatcha' doin' tonight
    I wish I could be a fly on your wall
    Are you really alone
    Still in your dreams
    Why can't I bring you into my life
    What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

    [Chorus]

    If I was invisible
    Then I could just watch you in your room
    If I was invincible
    I'd make you mine tonight
    If hearts were unbreakable
    Then I could just tell you where I stand
    I would be the smartest man
    If I was invisible
    (Wait...I already am)


    I saw your face in the crowd
    I called out your name
    You don't hear a sound
    I keep tracing your steps
    Each move that you make
    Wish I could read what goes through your mind
    Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life

    [Chorus]

    If I was invisible
    Then I could just watch you in your room
    If I was invincible
    I'd make you mine tonight
    If hearts were unbreakable
    Then I can just tell you where I stand
    I would be the smartest man
    If I was invisible
    (Wait...I already am)

    I reach out
    But you don't even see me
    Even when I'm scream out
    Baby, you don't hear me
    I am nothing without you
    Just a shadow passing through...

    [Repeat Chorus]

    Jesus Christ. After reading those lyrics, I feel like I need to take a shower and file a restraining order against this guy.

    There are so many things about this song give me the heebies and also the jeebies that I honestly don't even know where to start. And the things that don't weird me out confuse the shit out of me... and I guess that's why they don't scare me - because I can't, for the life of me, even begin to understand them. How would being invisible make you the smartest man? How do you touch someone with the colors of your life? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??

    And how are people like Clay Aiken or Kelly Clarkson or fat, black guy worthy of being idolized anyway? I don't see anything worthwhile in any of these people. Their voices are in no way unique or interesting, they are handed recording contracts and then shaped into whatever their record label wants them to be. I hate to sound like some stupid, asshole kid that hangs out in front of the Chick-Fil-A at the food court, asking you for cigarettes, but what is there to idolize about a corporate puppet? The fact that they've essentially fallen into a bunch of money? In all honesty (and yes, I always watch the show up until the viewers start voting), if anyone in the history of American Idol deserved to be an actual, uh, American idol, it's William Hung.

    And yeah, I'm dead serious. I know that everybody's making a big deal out of William right now and taking full advantage of his naivety by having him appear all over the place to sing karaoke and shit, but I legitimately have a ton of respect for this dude. He had a dream, he did what he could to begin to realize that dream (ie - audition for American Idol), had a group of "professionals" laugh right in his fucking face and without missing a beat he told those smug assholes, "I already gave my best. I have no regrets at all." Take that you self-righteous douche bags. And the dude still won't quit, even after being humiliated in front of millions upon millions of people. In the last article about William that I read, it said he was interested in taking singing lessons and had actually bought and read Simon Cowell's book (since when did every asshole on the planet start getting a book deal and, more importantly, where's mine?).

    I realize that heart has been out of style in this country for some time, but if there was ever anyone worth looking up to, it's this dude. Funny he's not even from this country, but he still manages to represent the "American dream" better than 99.9% of our native population. But he's a "joke" and instead of someone we should be looking up to, we're stuck with a sexless, soulless pervert as our supposed idol.

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    Find out what Hansley did all weekend
    Friday night I played hockey and again didn't play well. I've been really struggling lately- more so than normal. Maybe the frustration of not finding a job is seeping into other aspects of life. I definitely was better with not botching the receiving of passes so some progress is better than nothing I guess. After that debacle I settled down with my Vanilla Coke and watched some tv before passing out with the tv and lights on.

    This week at the part time shit hole has been the week from hell and I knew it would probably get worse but didn't forsee what would happen this week. Thatss really all I should say I guess.

    Then last night I went to Pikeville and got dinner with our big camping group and the food at Pikeville has gotten better again, seriously any place that sells apple fritters is good by me. Then the band played supposedly one of the better country bands in the area and their lead singer was not really all that good. If I could form a band we could clean up in the area. I had quite a few because people were buying me drinks since it was the first time some had seen me since graduating- so who am I to turn down free drinks. And by teh way when people are buying you free drinks they don't want to hear you say you don't really drink. I came home and watched some tv then went to bed. Today was uneventful so we'll skip it.

    Friday night I put up a great moment as a joke and the response was overwhelmingly positive. I have more I can post but I want to space them out so as not to burn all my stories out right away. So stay tuned for more stories of the stupid and insane.

    Lastly I hope everyone read the post about Clay Aiken above this...If you didn't laugh at least twice lighten up.

    Later.

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    Friday, February 20, 2004
     
    Great Moments in Hansley History
    Here at the Brian Hansley Blog we strive for original content at all costs. With the advent and continuing success of reality television (plus the new Chappelle Show feature with Tyree Murphy sharing his stories "I'm Rick James bitch!!") Brian felt why can't he get in on the action of sharing his stories and being glorified or villified depending on the story. Besides many may ask themselves what makes Brian tick? Why is he such a jackass? Why does he always feel superior to each other? We look to answer those and many more questions with a.....

    GREAT MOMENT IN HANSLEY HISTORY

    In tenth grade I had this class Applied Economics I believe. For a final project we were put into groups and asked to design a product we could sell but we also needed to say what our funding would be, where the money would be stored etc. So me, my buddy James, Mark, and this kid Harry Bean were put together. Mark said about this movie where they had black hole amtter which was contained in these objects and could be released sucking everything into them. So Mark says we design a ball with black hole matter that a kid can put in his room and it'll clean it for him. (We even designed a commerical where a kid got yelled at to clean his room then opened the ball and disappeared along with everything else. I think the tagline to the commerical was something like, "Maybe it won't suck you up to." So we called our product the Bean Ball. We did all our paperwork and turned it in excited about our work. The grade we got was a D. The teacher was upset with our stuff and we tried to argue our case. See for starters we never really established how we were going to obtain black hole matter. However that wasn't the part that concerned her. She was more upset that we said our funding was going to be 7 million dollars stashed in Swiss Bank Accounts. She countered that only criminals would have such accounts and that our funds would not legally pay for everything. So Mark and James are arguing vehemently with her that Swiss Bank Accounts are a viable source of income and my contribution to the argument. I laughed hard and long everytime someone said Swiss Bank Account. The teacher repeatedly said, "See even your partner thinks its funny." Then James told me to stop laughing and I'd bite my lip for maybe 10 seconds then begin laughing hysterically again. The teacher didn't give in and we were stuck with a D, all because I couldn't keep a straight face. But really who were we tryin to kid. No person would fund a product with Swiss Bank Accounts (I still laugh at that)>

    This has been a

    GREAT MOMENT IN HANSLEY HISTORY

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    Spongebob Squarepants....
    is a racist!!!!.....

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    Thursday, February 19, 2004
     
    She Bang!!! She Bang!!!
    The man! The myth! The Legend!!.....William Hung can be found at this link!.....Sign the petition and keep his dream alive


    Real post coming tomorrow

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    Wednesday, February 18, 2004
     
    Fuck me, Fuck you
    Greetings and Salutations!

    It occurs to me that on the post below this one I forgot to mention that the list is something I do on Valentine's Day to have a good laugh.

    Now that that's out of the way. It has been a pretty good couple of days.

    I got my hair cut Monday night and I must say I look pretty cool but strange- I mean I have hair for the first time in a while.

    Tuesday I worked at the shithole place and seriously we were slow as hell....If we would've raced a turtle, the turtle would've won by like 8 miles. That is by far the dumbest analogy ever so sorry for that. Then when the fuckwad boss called in he gave me shit over something stupid and fumbled some comment under his breath. I immeadiately thought of the story my roommate told me once about some hammerhead that came into the gas station where he worked. That story still cracks me up (The response of my roommate is the title of this post). I'm debating whether life in prison is worth ridding the world of a waste of sperm. Sides are pretty even right now.

    I changed the blog around the other day- mainly becasue I wanted titles and the old template didn't support them. Everything is coded weird and the picture and links are at the top now. I asked for advce whether people liked it better where it was or where it was before. Noone responded so it stays the way I like it.

    Last night's American Idol was awful and I agree with my buddy Craig- the red head (Lisa something) was good looking. Of course she didn't make the final three the big oaf that sings off key did. I think the red head didn't make it because she's a big girl so the discrimination continues. But Craig needs to get in line- I'm older I get first dibs.

    I need money to pay for my hockey expenses.

    Law & Order: SVU is on so I'm watching that then The X-Files on TNT ------Sweet

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    Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side. (It's from Family Guy)
    Everybody has been turned down by members of the opposite sex. It happens we can't control it. All we can do is learn from it, a lesson I haven't fully grasped yet. One year (I think in 12th grade) I put together a list of the top 5 times I felt a relationship with a girl was close and then watched it all blow up in my face. Now you can think this strange or stupid but it makes me laugh because I realize that the mistakes were so simple that any idiot would've not made them. I guess I'm a moron then for not realizing that. Every year I update the list adding people to the top 5 where it applies and when I put together this year's list I realized for the first time in 4 years it changed so I'm publishing it for the first time. Now please- Don't im me with stupid comments about the list or even with words of encouragement. It's not like I'm all heartbroken and thinking constantly about these girls. In fact the only time I really think about any of them is when I pull out the list. And one day the list will get thrown away for now though here's the list (Names have been changed to protect the innocent and will be referred to by code names)


    5. The First One aka The Crazy One- How can you not remember the girl you first fell for? I remember when I first had any real feelings for her and I thought for sure she'd go for me. She didn't- until almost 2 years later when I had no real interest in her and then she like went nuts trying to get at me all the while ignoring and not caring she had a boyfriend. Not to say I wasn't intrigued about being the other guy- cause seriously how many chances will I have at that in life? We graduated high school and went separate ways haven't talked to her since. She's gradually slipped down the list through the years. The lesson- No lesson....she was crazy (probably would've been awesome in bed)

    4. Wack job's Sister- The brother was a nice guy who had the tendency to go off the deep end (He threw scissors at someone on a school trip). His sister was super smokin hot, sweet, kind, and was diggin me for a while. We got to know each other on the England trip which I'm surprised I remember. The night I was going to ask her out I went to the town carnvial and had quite a bit of drinks with my friends to calm my nerves. The catch- she hated people who drank and when I showed up reeking of alcohol all my chances went out the window. The lesson- When a girl doesn't like something, don't do it.

    3. Band Girl- I was crazy about her and she was intrigued by me. We met on the England trip ( a common theme) and flirted non stop in school. Then I found out she was interested in another guy. She went out with him because she liked him first (seemed fair to me). All the two did was fight with each other so I waited figuring in no time she'd see the light. They went out for like 3 years. Worst part was she kept me around I think as a safety net because I always heard how bad the other guy was and had to smile and act sympathetic. The lesson here- Girls always choose the dickheads....(In a sidenote my roommate at the time tried to do all he could to help me out even with all the problems he had experienced with women around that time- which far outweighed my trivial problems- Just saying it was cool of him)

    2. New girl on the Block- I thought I was so close, I really did. The strange part is I don't know why. Just something about the situation and something in my head told me I was. Maybe because for the first time in a while the confidence that I had lost started to come back to me little by little. Maybe because I thought she was so sweet there was no way she'd turn me down (Like maybe pity date me for a while then turn me loose). Maybe because of the way she smiled that smile that is so comforting- whatever I thought it was, it wasn't there..as the girl who couldn't turn me down- did. And for some reason I know it was the right thing. I can't even pretend to myself that she was wrong for doing it. The lesson here- No matter how hard I try, understanding girls is impossible. Also be careful how you exude confidence because your perception of confidence is different than everyone else's. Just a general lesson there.

    1. The Angel- I realize this nickname is more flattering than any I've given in the list but there are reasons for that I won't go into here so as not to bore or worry people. This one I fell hard for the minute I saw her. So hard I refused to believe she was going out with anyone else, which she did for quite soem time. Instead of moving on in those like 2 years I saw an opportunity and again failed, meaning I chased twice and fell flat twice. Then in the most insane move of all I blamed her for my wounded sense of self instead of realizing it was pretty much my doing from the start, as I badly misinterpreted, and flat out ignored signs pointing me in every direction but the ending I wanted. In fact, I'm surprised she even talks to me to this day..because if I were her I wouldn't talk to me....But she does and I'm thankful for that although we don't talk near as much as we probably should.


    There it is there's the list. People might give me grief or be offended that they appear but seriously lighten up life is short. Laugh at it like I do and be happy that you've each taught me something different that is useful.

    Also know that I don't hold any grudges against any of them- if I did they would know.

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    Winamp on Random= New stupid game
    The rules are as follows:

    1. Open up your computer's music player
    2. Put the songs in the list on random
    3. Write down the first ten songs that pop up (No cheating either)

    This is supposed to embarass you but I wouldn't have the songs on if I didn't like them:

    1. Ricky Martin- Livin La Vida Loca (crap)
    2. Rolling Stones- Paint it Black (getting better)
    3. Brad Paisley- Wrapped Around (The first country song)
    4. Belinda Carlisle- Heaven is a Place on Earth (getting bad again)
    5. Chris Isaac- Wicked Game (good song)
    6. Corey Hart- Never Surrender (I was hoping for Sunglasses at Night but oh well)
    7. 3 Doors Down- Loser (their new stuff kinda bites)
    8. Monkees- Pleasant Valley Sunday (campy=good)
    9. Rick James- Superfreak (I'm Rick James BITCH)
    10. Bee Gees- Stayin Alive (Gotta love disco).

    That wasn't that bad

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    Monday, February 16, 2004
     
    I FEEL...
    not so good really


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    Marty Jannety Fan Club
    The past few days I just haven't thought like updating. Today I do so you get to read some new stuff. Lucky you..

    Saturday was Valentine's Day and I hope all you people with boyfriends or girlfriends had a great day with your loved one. Sure it is a made-up holiday to fill the pockets of the already to rich Hallmark family but if it makes people happy then so be it. Although you shouldn't really need a specific day to make someone feel loved and appreciated but so it goes.

    So Saturday night I had nothing to do so my friend and I went up to The Silo in Reading since someone he knew had a brother in a band that was playing that night (That sounded confusing I'm sure). So we went and there was no cover charge between 8-9 so I saved some cash there. I was hoping there would be some desperate girls alone on Valentine's Day there that I could swoop in on, but no such luck. So I bought myself a drink- not what I would normally drink because that would've been way expensive- and settled in to watch the band. The band played three separate mini sets and they really weren't that bad. In between sets I was watching the NBA All-Star stuff on the big tv's above the bar- since it was impossible to miss them. The third set the band played was the worst of the three and for some reason I just kind of vegged out. I sat there and watched Blade on the tv (which is extremely hard considering there was no closed captioning and barely any volume). It was weird because it wasn't like I was bored or not having a good time- becasue I was- I just kind of went into a catatonic state and before I knew it 40 minutes had passed. I guess I really am the life of the party. The band played covers but it was cool because they played different covers than what you would normally hear. They played songs I forgot about and avoided most of the newer rock shit (which is always great). It was a good night and I got home around 2:00.

    Yesterday was a boring day as I did absolutely nothing and jsut waited until I went to watch teh PPV last night. The show was designed from the start as a one match show and that match delivered big time. Eddie Guerreo finally won a world title and it was well deserved considering all the shit he's been through in life.

    On the way home I had a craving for strawberry milk so I stopped at the Redner's Quick Shop and bought myself some and then headed home to watch some Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and then went to bed. I can't wait til I have money to buy those seasons on dvd.

    I forgot to mention this the other day. Coming home from Millersville the other day- for the first time in two months I took a different route home and had what can be considered a musical experience. The one song off of Drive by Truckers new album was in my head and I just started singing "Whiskey without Women."- I hope that is the right title. Don't know why the drive triggered that song but it did. It was so great.

    That's it I guess. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut for the first time in a while so hooray for that. Also if you didn't notice I added titles. At least I hope it worked. If not ignore the last two sentences.

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    Thursday, February 12, 2004
     
    If you look below the photo of Mr. T over on the right you will see I've added a link to my Amazon Wish List. They are the things I want the most from Amazon so if you feel compelled to buy me something its on that list. (The first thing on the list I don't really want- When you go to amazon and look up things it gives you recommendations based on what you've searched for- Not real sure how a softcore film starring Shannon Tweed fits anything I searched but Amazon thought it did {On another side note it could be considered sad I remembered her name is Shannon Tweed but hey I used to have Prism and after midnight they'd show the real good films- and yes I've seen that particular film I believe})

    Today's big news is that John Kerry-the leading democratic nominee right now- might have had an affair and asked his mistress to leave the country to avoid any problems. Many of his fellow candidates are predicting this will doom his campaign. That would be bad for the Bush administration because I don't think Kerry will get elected over Bush. And why do they think an affair will hurt Kerry. The antion pretty much rallied behind Clinton when he cheated on his wife with everything that had a vagina. Seriously that must have been his only requirement- Did you see Paula Jones? Monica Lewinsky? the list goes on.......It may be weird that I'm criticizing people for their looks, and I'm all for people getting their things played with...but man don't settle. You may have a different opinion and for that I am reminded of a saying I've heard, "That's why they make chocolate and vanilla- because you like crappy ice cream." Back on topic though if the Dems battle turns and Edwards or Dean gets the nom they'll have a better chance of defeating Bush (especially Edwards). That is as long as Osama bin Laden isn't "found" come October.

    Now that the political part of this program is over let me say. Was someone on drugs when they created those Quiznos' subs commercials? Seriously those are scary and funny at the same time. Not funny like the Guiness beer commercials though. BRILLANT!!!

    Also after watching the happenings on Monday Night I've figured out the best way to make money. I'm going to watch the news to see who wins the next Powerball lottery. Then I'm going to go to the press conference and as they're about to give the guy his check I'm going to superkick him and then accept the check and run. See who says watching wrestling is useless?

    I'm really tired for some reason today so I think I'm calling it a night early tonight.....Sleep! Hooray! Buy me stuff

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    Wednesday, February 11, 2004
     
    It's Been Awhile- now that I've got stupid song references out of the way I can get down to the business of blogging. I haven't posted in a week for numerous reasons mainly the phone line to the computer went dead for like 3 days until my dad and I rigged it up to work properly instead of tearing down drywall to rewire everything. We'll do that eventually just not right now.

    I went on my first job interview yesterday with teh Boscovs company out in Harrisburg. The interview went extremely well however I probably won't get offered a job there because the guy flat out said when they are opening a new store they want people with retail experience to help the structure of the business work. Not sure why they called me out for an interview then but it was a good experience plus he was forwarding all my info to the Boscovs stores around here so if they have something I might be able to get in there. So not a total loss, but the frustrating search for a job continues. The list of things I want to buy too is getting ever larger. My family is getting DirecTV when I get a job so I can pay for HBO and such and the huge sports channel experience. So my fingers are crossed that something happens soon. I was more aggressive this past week in the job hunt for no real reason just found a bunch of decent jobs in the papers.

    So after my interview I decided to stop by and visit some of my friends in at Millersville. It was great to see people again from there. I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to but when your on time constraints what can you do. It was neat too becasue a few people didn't recognize me right away since the hair is at insane lengths (well for me anyway)...I'll have to scratch together some cash for Monday night I guess to get it cut. As an aside to my whole trip yesterday- did you know York, PA is home to the USA Weightlifting Hall of Fame? I did not......Other than that it has been slow. That's everything I guess I'm gonna settle down to watch some Law and Order: SVU and then The X-Files until I fall asleep. After The Chappelle Show is over. which makes me remember this qutoe from tonights show. "What did the five fingers say to the face?" "Huh" "Slap (slaps man) I'm Rick James Bitch."

    Later

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    Wednesday, February 04, 2004
     
    A two-headed baby...Major gross


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    Tuesday, February 03, 2004
     
    So it's been an eventful couple of days. If you read the post below you knwo what I did on Saturday night so no point in going over that again. Friday night I played hockey and Zach Snyder's twin showed up. He looks exactly like Zach except he has a goatee (so he's obviously more manly than Zach-O ever could be). It's funny though the guy plays hockey like he is standing on a balance beam- he really looks like he could fall over at any minute which makes for humorous viewing.

    So skipping Saturday....

    Sunday morning I woke up early and went to early church since it was communion and I had no desire to stay for the congretational meeting after second service (or third service now? I don't know.) So I returned from that and then took a nap and watched some tv before Joel and I headed to his sisters place for a Super Bowl get together with her and her husband. You know big parties are cool and all but nothing beats getting together with a small group of cool people to just hang out and watch the game. Onto the night let's break it down:

    The Game
    The battle between the Patriots and Panthers was better than anyone expected- experts included. Granted there were only really two good quarters in the whole game but it was amazing in the second and fourth quarters. They set the record for longest time without points being scored and then set the record for most points scored in a quarter. Amazing. The Panthers should've at least taken the game to overtime and I siad towards the end they were scoring to quick. Then the kicker kicks it out of bounds which led to the win. so Congrats Patriots. If the Panthers would've won Dan Morgan was the MVP by far. An amazing game by the middle linebacker.

    The Commercials
    Nothing special at all during the game. Nothing really previewed for theaters except the Van Helsing movie which looks really good. Other than that who knows what'll click. The commercial with the dogs fetching beer was voted the best for those that care about that sorta thing. I personally liked the donkey wanting to be the Clydesdale and the bagpipe player standing over the grate but what do I know.

    The Halftime
    Halftime has taken over a in the press because of the exposed breast of Janet Jackson. Ok rant time---- First off who gives a shit. Janet Jackson hasn't been a relevant artist in like ten years so it was obviously a shameless attempt at promotion. Then Justin Timbergeek (the no-talent ass clown from N'Sync releases a statement calling it a "wardrobe malfunction" Bullshit. A wardrobe malfunction does not occur when you rip someones clothes off- especially after the line in the song says, "I'ma get you naked fore the end of this song." Plus the pre-show amterial passed out by MTV had this comment in it, ""I don't think the Super Bowl has ever seen a performance like this," Duldulao added. "The dancing is great. She's more stylized, she's more feminine, she's more a woman as she dances this time around. There are some shocking moments in there too......thanks to The Franchise for the research...so how can they release a statement afterwards saying that they had no idea it was going to happen. MTV, and the artists backpedaled fast and it proves they had this planned and misread how the public would react. All the conspiracy theories people are throwing out are idiotic and have no thread of truth. Now parents are outraged and I can't blame them really. Look I wasn't personally offended by the act but it was the wrong place for it. Little kid were watching that and the parents are forced to explain things then. That kind of stuff should be left to the parents discretion as to when to discuss it. It is sad that music has stooped so far to shameless acts like this to help sales. Its ironic that 40 years ago the Beatles showed up on US soil and set the world on fire. And guess what they didn't need any acts because THEY COULD FUCKING SING....Music isn't about music anymore that's why people like Britney, and just abotu every pop star has careers...singing isn't top priority anymore. Worst of all teh halftime show was beyond awful. Kid Rock was the onyl artists who was actually singing while the rest were Milli Vanilling to their hearts content. That's what people should be outraged about. Worst of all the halftime show took away from the game that is not the purpose it is to entertain the fans for 12 minute sthen get teh hell out, but going into business like that- and taking away from the real stars of the day is wrong....The only good thing is the NFL says MTV will never produce another halftime show.

    Monday I got a cavity filled in the morning and then got called into my shitty part time job and I had to take the hours cause I got bills including my health insurance stuff which needs to be accepted by the end of March..2 months to find a job----yippee.....So I go to work and am working with the two new owners and one of their sons each. See they've both been married and re-married like three times so they've accumulate kids. So 4 of them and me..all we needed was Mr. French to make sandwiches and we could've had a regular fucking Family Affair (I'm too tired and cranky to explain the reference so if you don't get it fuck off). Not a one of them had any clue what they were doing so it was like babysitting all night. Then when I try to tell them the proper way things get done the asshole boss gives me shit and overrules me. Yeah its not like I've been there a while or anything. That motherfucker better hope I get a job soon or he'll be dead (maybe I should hope I get a job soon then). So I came home and began watching wrestling but fell asleep mid way through that (luckily I had the thinking to hit record on the vcr before I passed out so I watched the rest this morning.) Law & Order is on so I'm going to watch that otherwise leave me the hell alone...Hopefully tomorrow willl go better.

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    Sunday, February 01, 2004
     
    VH1 continues their show Super Secert Formulas by sharing the secrets of slashers. I assume most of these won't be secrets but let's go over the show anyway. For those that have never seen the show- various D-level celebritites discuss the rules of the films and the films themselves. I apologize for the bad grammar as I'm recapping this as the show airs, and it is hard to keep up

    They begin by talking about Halloween. The story of Michael Myers who kills his sister when he is a little kid, gets put in a mental ward, then busts out seeking revenge. It actually is very scary becasue at the beginning we have no idea who it is. The film is shot from POV so when it reveals the kid it is shocking. One person says how they believe Mike Myers was mad becasue he didn't like not getting any play so he killed his slutty sister and then wanted to kill all the sluts. Sure.

    Then they talk about the music. The muic is memorable and creepy- always important.

    Our first batch of rules- Killer always must wear a mask / Nobody listens to the creepy old guy.....Michaels doctor tries to warn everyone in the film that the person is pure evil but his pleas are unheard.

    (Time for Mega Rules- The 5 underlying rules)
    Mega Rule #5- Virgins Live, sluts die.....Maybe there is a morality lesson there.

    Moving on to Friday the 13th. A mother seeks revenge on the camp counselors that let her kid die drowning. Again the music is discussed (ch ch ch ah ah ah). Very memorable. New Rule- Killers like to show off their handiwork. Killers are always hanign the bodies on walls and doors. One comic observes, the girl you're trying to kill at the end has to see your work because she'll be your toughest critic.

    Nightmare on Elm Street-. A killer who kills you while you sleep so you're never safe. Dee Snider observes Freddy was the best slasher becasue he had depth to him. That's actually kind of true they always had a backstory for Freddy so he was kinda layered.

    New rules- When in danger run up stairs. Although in this movie when Heather ran up the steps the steps were melting and her foot sank. Heather says, "It was kind of like a Dali painting where reality is melting....Interesting take on that.
    - Slashers love to kill in creative ways. i.e. Freddy drags girl around the room and pulls her into the ceiling. One comic says that it was like the realization of that Lionel Richie song "Dancing on the Ceiling". Well thanks for ruining that scene dickhead.

    Also Johnny Depp dies in teh film getting pulled into the bed and then a geyser of blood rushes out. Kind of like the elevator scene in Shining (And then Craven said that- sweet)

    Law enforcement is always stupid. Makes sense they need to be

    Mega Rule #4- Dark empty rooms work like welcome mats. Hello is anybody in here?...I've never been killed walking into an empty room.

    As a note they have an eccletic mix of people on these special from stars o the movies to comics to ...oh man Linnea Quigley (B movie queen and goddess...I have her in Return of the Living Dead where she gets naked just for the sake of it and runs around for a while nude. I think she was a playboy model once too)

    Child's Play- Should've posessed Teddy Ruxpin- cause Teddy coulda kicked some ass. Now that's funny. Rule- Parents never believe the kids. Rule- Wanna Slash, you gotta talk trash. One guy says Chucky made Richard Pryor seem like a priest. Rule- You can never kill the bad guy.

    Hellraiser- A movie that terrifies me. Box that summons demons. Ralphie May says, "Why was there no warning on that box- Warning: Could open the gate of hell.

    Gross moments: Rebirth, women sucks guys finger with no skin. (that's gross).

    Scream- the movie that saved and ruined horror films. also started the caller id craze. Dee Snider says if you're scared of that mask you should be ashamed. I'd rip that mask off, bithc slap him and say cut the shit." Why doesn't Dee Snider have like his own sitcom? The guy is hilarious. New rule- Even if you know rules you'll die. Chrisitan Finnegan says the movie best represnts the 90's. This is lame but we're aware of that. The second deep insight of the show.

    Mega Rule #3- Loner=Goner...I'll be right back....

    I Know What You Did Last Summer. Hit and run death? leads to 4 teens getting harassed. Chris Jericho says Captain Billy. How can you sneak up on someone in rain slickers and galoshes. New Rule- Slashers know your every move. "dO THEY CONSULT Dionne Warwick". -There is always a jock, cheerleader, virgin, and bookworm. Then they talk about Jennifer Love Hewitt's (yummy) skyward yell "What are you waiting for" Ralphie May says, There not gonna come in the middle of the day dummy.

    Scary Movie- why are they putting this film in the discussion. It is a parody of slashers and the deaths were more played for humor. Shannon Elizabeth gave play by play fo her death for god's sake. New rule- No matter what happens, school is never canceled. You know that's true. I mean three kids are killed and the killer is believed to be from the high school. Let's hold class. Oh here is the Shannon Elizabeth scene (Yeah she's hot too)

    Mega Rule #2- Slower the slasher the faster he'll catch her. That always did bother me. Bill Marley says they all did run the Boston Marathon one year. Oh man the Hellraiser line I love- "So much for the cat and mouse shit." Scary and funny at the same time. Coming up we talk Freddy v Jason and find out which movie has the loudest screams, which has the most killings, and which has the most rules in it. Let me take my guesses. Most killings I actually think is Freddy v Jason. Loudest screams has to be Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Another movie they didn't talk about on the show). Most rules is probably Scream since the whole purpose was the make fun of the rules.

    Freddy v Jason- Great movie but a disappointing ending to me because the guy I liek better didn't win- sorry no spoilers from me. Like old king kong vs godzilla etc from 1950's. New rule- Two slashers better than one. Can't argue there. Then they discuss who should win the match-up. Consensus is Freddy. Joe Bob Briggs (holy shit) says Jason is a mongoloid. Just when you think its over there is a sequel tease.

    Mega Rule #1- You can't kill a killer. Need proof- there are like 10 Jasons, 7 Nightmares, hell even 7 Halloweens. Sequels are money makers for studios when it comes to horror films cause people will see just on reputation.

    Awards time-
    Biggest Body count- Freddy vs Jason (16 corpses)
    Loudest Screams- Texas Chainsaw Massacre- 127 db
    Most Rules- Scream (Hey hey Clean sweep for me)

    Good special but kind of obvious. I was surprised they talked about Hellraiser becasue it is often overlooked. They shouldn't have talked about Scary Movie and replaced it with Texas Chainsaw Massacre or hell even Dee Snider's Strangeland (A better than you'd think take on society and its response to criminals). Still a good primer for people who don't really know much about horror films and shouldn't scare anyone

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